I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
