Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
