i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
