My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Houston, we have a blender
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize