you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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