This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
