Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
