70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
