Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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