I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
