So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
