great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
