I just made out with a guy for $7.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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