I wanna bring you to show and tell
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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