Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
