we made out on top of his cat.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
