guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
