yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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