please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Someone shattered a urinal.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
