Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
