You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
