he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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