I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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