I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
