your room smells of hookers.
And success
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize