So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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