Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
