dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
