y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
