her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
