Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
