I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize