Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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