I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
