mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can't turn off my feet"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
