I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
