Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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