He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
