ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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