Me. At least after what I've been through.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize