In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
