Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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