I wannas sexs uuuuu
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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