I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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