How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
