you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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