some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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