goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
