I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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