I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
