your room smells of hookers.
And success
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
