She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
