i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
