thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
