I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
