At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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