We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
