Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
