C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
