the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
