Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
