This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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