we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
