I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
