girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
