oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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