you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize