just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
