Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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