I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
