Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
