I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
