Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
