so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
