Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize