I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
