Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
