Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
