I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
we should paint friendship bongs
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