After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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