So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's always time for handjobs
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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