Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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