This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
