...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
