Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
