he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
