Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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