I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize