Can Purell be used as lube?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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