you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
