How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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