ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
