Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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