I can't breathe out the right side of my face
zippers are such a cool invention
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it's like iHOP with fire
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
