So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
