who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
