I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
