she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
