Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize