i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
