Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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