Im at strip club and am horny
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
