# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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