kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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