why didn't you poke me back
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
