drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
