Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
